I am just genereally depressed.
I feel lonely.
I only have one true friend and she doesn't live anywhere near me. The rest of my "friends" are too busy for me. They have big families and/or other "friends" in thier lives.
I have tried for over 12 years now -- since we moved to Columbus -- to find a "best friend" or a group of "girlfriends" to do things with or hang out with, but everyone seems to already have a "best friend" or a group that they already hang out with.
Yes. I have "friends", but no one that I can really say is my "best friend" or a group that I can say are my "girlfriends".
I don't even feel close to David, right now. He has been in one of his moods where I might as well be the WALL! I can always sense when he isn't interested in me and finds me unattractive. When I talk to people (friends!) about it... they think it's all me! But, it's not. I have been married to him for 26 years now, and I KNOW him like the back of my hand!! I KNOW what he is thinking!! TRUST ME!!
I
It also hurts when just a couple of weeks ago... everything between he and I was going GREAT! No issues at all. Then.... like ALWAYS!.... BAM!!!! He goes from loving me the way that I
He mentioned to me yesterday about us going to Callaway to ride bikes today. I want to, but I would rather go withOUT him. Him saying this to me, makes me feel like it's his suttle way of getting me out to "exercise". At least that is the way that my mind is thinking right now. If I go to Callway to ride bikes with him, then I will miss out on the Zumba class at the gym this morning.... which I really like and enjoy.
I just want to crawl into a hole right now and cry.
He hurt my feelings yesterday too, when he started talking about different motorcycle trips that he wanted to go on. Then, I asked him if he was planning on going on these by himself or was he thinking of doing this with me. He said.. "I was thinking about going with my brother". Then, he hesitated and said... "but, you are welcome to come, too." - Ya. Right!
Ok... I have to pull myself together before he finds me crying over my computer. Oops! Miranda just did!! I better go.
It breaks my heart to hear what you are going through right now, wish I had some magic words to make it all better. What I do know, is that God will give you the strength to get through this awful time and to work through the feelings you are having. Know that I am praying for you and will always be here for you, the miles that separate us will never break our bond. You are the best friend I could ever ask for and I will always be here for you through thick and thin. You know now that we are both on Verizon you can pick up the phone anytime and call me. I also know that I can tell you that the things David does and says are about him and his issues and not you, but that won't make the pain any less or his words and actions hurt any less.
ReplyDeletePraying that whatever you decide to do today, ride bikes with David, alone or go to Zumba that you make the decision that is best for you and you alone.
Know that I love you and am here always.
Diana
Thanks, Diana. I know that you are there for me. I also know that if I pick up the phone to call you when I am upset... I will just cry! Thanks for always being there for me! Love you, too!
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